To begin this modest entry, a small prayer.
Dear God:
Go OU. Let them kick the shit out of LSU.
I know I want to go to school there, but I still hate their football team.
Please, God, if it be in your heart, let a football strike that traitor Saban in his face and strike him dead.
Or at least cause aesthetic damage.
Amen.
Anywho, so tonight is my last night in L-town. The last night before I tread 500 miles back to my be-autiful college town of Houghton. A place where you can buy a gin and tonic for 1.50 (instead of the outraegous 5.25 it is here in Lansing, and sure, it may be Tanguaray and not the rail, but I still don't need to pay 5.25 for fucking gin and tonic) and where there is snow. Real snow. Not this pussy ass shit that is currently fucking up the roads in Lansing, but real snow that you can go skiing in, snowshoeing, sledding, and generally makes you feel like you're in the middle of a god damned Noram fucking Rockwell painting. It's nice.
And I miss it.
And I tire of home.
More specifically my estranged father. He keeps e-mailing me, about how he hopes to see us soon. How wrong he is. He won't see me till the summer, if he's lucky. And probably not even then.
I do worry about him though. Spending the holidays alone is a sure recipe for depression, and the last thing I would want him to do is to blow his head off. It would be nice if he finally realized the magnitude of his errors, but I think he's too self-righteous for that to ever happen.
But enough of that.
The real thing that I'm looking forward to however is to getting laid tomorrow. (Sound the trumpets people) It's been over two years (2!!!) but it looks like it will happen. I know she wants some of my sweet ass, that's for damned sure, and I can't wait to tap that. So hot. So sweet. Mmm....
(WARNING - GRATUITOUS SEX TALK TO FOLLOW)
Okay, so I'm really looking forward to this. I have a box of two year old condoms looking forward to finally being used, I'm going to be doing the whole sit up / push up routine tonight followed by a small starvation routine tomorrow to shrink my inordinately large gut that I've gained over this past month (no workout + lots of food = 1 fat Matt) and I quite frankly have been anticipating finally getting with her for the past month. Kissing is nice; kissing is meaningful; kissing sucks when thats all you can do.
The real problem is that I have a problem. Its the problem every guy faces, especially the first time you hook up with a girl. Its that problem the fucks us all over - premature ejaculation. Shit. It looms over you even as you're about to finally do what you've always wanted to do - and you know that unless you focus on baseball scores, football, or someother mundane thing (for me, calculating the number of processors that can be accomodated by a SMP with a bus bandwidth of x MBPS works well) you're going to blow your shit about 1 minute into the deal, thereby embarassing yourself, disapointing her, and generally making her realize that you can never (ever!) please her, and that she should just dump your ass and find herself a real man (whoever he may be).
What's the prevention?
First, I'm wackin it tonight. Oh hell yes. Get the pregame jitters out of the way. That's step one. Step two is in-game prevention. Get her to give you a bj or hand job first. See, then its expected that you cum, so you get a 20 minute breather before the real game starts.
It's all about a game plan people.
I still hope I don't suck. I like this girl. I want to keep her. I want to make her happy.
Got to get my game face on peoples.
Yeah.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004