I've known for quite a long time now that my grandma is dying. She's been dying for a few years now, starting with some cancer that was fought off, which returned, and was fought off, etc. You get the picture. Its been a slow, gradual decline in her health, and now its finally winning. Apparently she's now bedridden, can't move one of her arms, is coughing up blood, and is generally in a very, very poor way.
This is the mother of my dad. This is the side of the family that thinks that myself and my siblings are bastards. This is also the family that I've always been closest to, so it quite frankly sucks. I was close to my grandma as well, and I know she's very cognizant of my dad's shortcomings. We've talked about it before. She was the first one who described him as being arrogant. She told me he was bad with money. And that him running his own business had been a bad idea. I even argued with her about that, but she was, quite obviously, right.
And now she's dying. And my grandpa doesn't want us to talk with her. He thinks she doesn't want to see us, which I doubt is true. I know he's pretty mad at us, which is a result of my dad telling him his side of the story and twisting it to make him look better than he is. And twisting it to make us look worse. We didn't talk about it, we didn't say anything, we tried to be the mature ones in the situation, we tried not to say things that we would regret, and now my extended family thinks we're bastards.
A large part of me thinks I shouldn't care. Its easy not to care when you're five hundred miles from your own family, much less the extended one that I see maybe once a year. Or once every three years. But that doesn't make it right. Torpor, while an easy position to advocate, has never achieved anything save maintaining the status quo. And the status quo, quite frankly, fucking blows.
So I need to call. Or find some way to get out there if its at all possible, which given the large amount of shit I have on my plate, is not likely at all.
How did it come to this. I can trace the events that led to this estrangement, but short of giving in to my father's arrogance and hypocrisy for the rest of my life, and never drawing a line, I can't see how this wasn't a forgone conclusion.
I thought that by moving 500 miles away I could escape my family. I can't. I never can. I'm going to have them on my shoulders for the rest of my life, and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it.
On. And on. And on. And on.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004