It's actually a beautiful day out today. One of those early summer days, where the clouds look like giant marshmellows lazily floating across the sky and a light breeze, just cool enough to keep the day warm and not hot. Its a nice day, but somehow I can't seem to focus on it. Usually days like this put me in a good mood. Not today.
Today I have to meet my father. I haven't seen him or spoken to him, either face to face or by phone, since October. I'm not looking forward to the encounter.
I'll edit this afterwards, and put what happened. I doubt, however, that it'll make any difference towards our relationship. It will most likely just be a chance for him to berate me and my sister. We'll see if I'm right, but somehow I think Negrodomus has got this one pegged.
[EDIT]
I just got back from Barnes & Noble, where we had our rather emotional meeting. I can't say that it went well, or that it went badly. I can say that I'm glad he didn't bring his bible, or didn't try to preach at me or berate me. I can tell that he wanted to, but thankfully he managed to restrain himself. I only got somewhat emotional once - but hey, when you bring up me killing my step brother as an attack on my character, I tend to get that way. Luckily, I somewhat emphasized that this was not a smart thing to discuss at this time. My father. What a man.
The best thing that came out of the whole incident was that he agreed, albeit grudgingly, to go into some sort of therapy, with the stipulation that we went as well. I agreed, as did my sister, but I'm not sure if my brother will or not. He, of course, wasn't present - nor will he be for some time I imagine. Its ironic that my dad is only really concerned about making things right with him as well, or at least at getting him to admit that he has "problems". The ironic thing is that its my dad who started this whole mess; its my dad who's said the majority of the spiteful and hurtful things; the worst my brother did was tell him to fuck off.
I honestly don't know if this will ever get fixed. I also don't know if I really want it to, which is a tough thing to say. If a man won't change and he's a danger to be around emotionally, why do you want a relationship with him? I don't have a wealth of fond memories of him from recent years - sure, those old ones when I was young are nice and tender - but those are old and few. High school did not engender many fond memories, nor did college. So why am I trying so hard to find reasons to fix this?
The only reason I can think of is that whether I like it or not, he is my father and I can't change that. You can't pick and choose your parents. I just have to live with mine and try to salvage what I can - but its going to be one of those long, painful processes, and I doubt it will ever be resolved well.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004