This entry is devoted to Brooke, and the abject loveliness that is her.
Brooke happens to be a girl I work with. She’s one of those girls that obviously hates herself but loves herself at the same time, a dichotomy that I relate to. I suspect this is the case via the fact that she’s incredibly overweight but spends an inordinate amount of time on her makeup – a fact that is patently obvious since she’s always done up like she’s about to step into a wedding, when in fact, she’s only delivering a platter of cheese sticks. This is in addition to her consistent need to belittle and attack everyone around her, so that she feels better about herself. Apparently, offense really is the best defense.
I bring this up only because she really is incredibly annoying. She’s as new as I am, but any mistake anyone makes she points out, while she becomes incredibly defensive about any criticism of her. All of this, of course, from a person who weighs significantly more than I do, spends a lot of time in an attempt to make herself look pretty in a work environment that denies the mere possibility of that condition, and takes up the majority of her free time in the abusing of her fellow coworkers.
But I digress. She only really attacked me when she asked me what I did for a living, i.e. apart from working in a Bennigans. I told her I was an engineer. She asked what kind, and I told her I was a computer engineer.
Her reply? “Well, no offense, but I figured you had to be something like that from the way you looked.”
I laughed, of course, because in all honesty, being told that I look like a nerd from a patently overweight and insanely self-preening girl who is obviously incredibly insecure about herself isn’t the worst thing in the world. What bothers me, of course, is that I suffer from a milder form of her particular psychosis. I can be an arrogant prick who attacks people as a form of defense, although only very rarely anymore. I usually try to crush that response to a situation as soon as I recognize it rearing its ugly little head. I also obsess heavily about my appearance, which despite my best efforts, slips away from me from time to time. Genetics is not always kind. Neither are Doritoes, and like poor Brooke, I sometimes get the short-end of the stick. Granted, genetics can only be blamed so far, and while I commiserate with anyone’s weight issues (having dropped from 230 to 170) eventually you have to suck it up and try to eat less and exercise more. And hey, she is right. I do look like a goofy nerd plenty of times, an image that can be useful and one that I try to cultivate to be a combination of culture, class, sex and nerddom.
What bothers me is that while I am bombarding her pretty heavily in this entry (given my slightly vindictive nature) I would never criticize her appearance either to her or to anyone at work. That goes for anyone: appearances, while important as they determine how people first view you, are of course superficial, and should never dictate how you feel about a person. What pisses me off is that she, in a rather circumspect way, insults my appearance when she’s a fucking fatassed bitch of a cow.
What the fuck. Talk about take a look in the fucking mirror, and sayings about logs and kettles and such.
On a side note: I have to recognize that I am a nerd, that I do often look like a nerd, and that this is not an entirely bad thing. I am, however, trying very hard to be a tan, buff, and as ripped as possible nerd. Beats the alternatives.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004