Last night, at 2 am, I had convinced myself that the long wait was over. I was finally going to throw myself back at a gym; I was finally going to work my fat-ass back into some semblance of shape. This was, of course, at two in the morning, and when you stand in front of the mirror wearing your P.J.'s and note that your stomach is just a tad flabbier than usual, its an easy promise to make.
The problem is, I don't work out well with others around. I hate it. Its that self-conscious feeling; that feeling that people are staring at you, judging you, noting how much you can lift, laughing inwardly at the mistakes you make and the little you can do. The funny thing is, I don't have to be worried - my technique is overall pretty good, I don't toss weights around like so many idiots, I use the full range of motion without jerky movements, and I routinely increase my limits. In other words, while I don't lift like a nazi, I do tend to do things in the right way. But I still feel judged, and hence, in my heyday, I usually found myself in the weight room whenever there was the fewest people imaginable wanting to work out. This was usually around three or six in the morning, depending on whether it was a late night or an early morning.
I set my alarm for six. I woke up at nine. Lets just say its now noon, and I'm still wearing my pajamas. Fuck.
The only weight room around here thats free is fucking packed. I mean packed. Lots of people, waiting in lines - mother fucking lines - so they can abuse themselves on these things. Fuck that - I hate that shit. The problem is, I can't afford a gym membership, which would guarantee my a 24 hour access - the free one unfortunately closes at 10, which totally fucks over my whole inhibition-fueled exercise-in-public phobia.
God knows I want to work out again. Endorphins are a good thing, and it wouldn't take long to whip myself back into shape - I haven't let myself go that badly, just enough that I'm starting to notice. My diet is a little more relaxed now than it should be, but it isn't drastic either - and I've already cut out a few of the things that were causing me to gain some ass. I just need some freakin time when I don't have five hundred jackasses around me, grunting in mirrors. Really - its like the set of a gay porn movie. Pack a hundred guys in skimpy outfits into a room, make 'em sweat and groan, and what do you have? A situation that I, even in my enlightened state, will avoid like the bubonic plague.
I think I'll see how much a membership costs. Maybe if I stop eating for a week or two I can afford it.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004