I suppose it makes statistical sense, given the number of times I get a cup of coffee, that every now and again that cup of coffee costs me just one more piece of my sanity.
Today another chip of it was eroded away.
I needed a pick-me-up between classes, so I stopped at the union to get Starbuck's Campbell's-cup-o-cino - or just a coffee, actually. It wasn't cappacino, but that's further along the line. I'm in line, minding my own business like any sensible American does when he's surrounded by people he doesn't know, when this incredibly nerdy kid in front of me turns around and says, "I'm never eating in the McDonalds in the Union again."
Now, understand me. I'm a nerd. I know nerds. We smell our own. This kid was ub0r d0rk. You know that disgustingly thin kid from road trip? This guy and the kid from road trip could have been brothers. This was the kind of kid who would say something like "I've only had sex with myself". He's the kind of kid that plays Magic, picks and eats his boogers, has never and will never have a girlfriend, wishes he was Harry Potter, and could never do a push up in gym class. He was, for all intents and purposes, the kind of kid I could have become if a few good friends hadn't whooped my ass into shape. I hate this kind of kid. He gives us decent nerds a bad name. So yes, he said one line and I already had drawn a lot of conclucsions about him. The situation, to put it mildly, did not improve from here.
But hey, despite all that, I'm not a complete ass. I'm not going to ignore him, which is what I wanted to do. Seriously - all I want at this point is to be lost in my thoughts, and get my jumbo-sized coffee so I can stay awake during my next algorithms class. So I say the first thing that comes to mind, which is of course slightly snobbish (in retrospect) "Well, I try not to eat in any McDonald's anywhere."
Here's a small explanation to that: I hate McDonald's. With a burning passion. I once made the mistake eating there on the way home from college, after not having eaten in one for years. I had to shit non fucking stop for the next five hours. Every fucking rest area, I had to pull over and shit. I'm being graphic here only so you understand the extreme passion I feel for McDonald's. That fucking clown and all his disgusting, greasy, fatty, horrible food need to burn in the darkest pits of blackest hell. For eternity.
But this little shit wasn't taking the hint. I was trying to convey the sense that I wanted him to leave me the fuck alone. He wasn't getting it. His next statement?
"No, no, you don't get it. I was in the bathroom and this employee didn't wash their hands."
No shit? You mean, a McDonald's employee didn't wash their hands? Oh my fucking god! You've got to be shitting me. Minimum wage, fast food job employees are unhygenic? Stop the fucking presses. Guess what - I knew kids that played fucking hockey with the burger patties at Wendy's. When the pucks were getting a little old, they popped them on the griddle and served 'em up. When you eat fast food, you're eating shit. Get over it.
I should have said that. Instead I simply said "Well, health officials wouldn't like that."
At what point do you realize that the person you're talking with doesn't want to talk to you? Apparently, you don't. He wouldn't shut up. He went on to regale me with how horrible it was that they would be so unclean, and how they make more than minimum wage and get raises every month, as if this would make them care about their work in a fucking McDonald's. I wanted to reach out and strangle his boney neck just to make the hurting stop - but I didn't. Instead, I did what I usually do when I find myself talking to someone that I wished were far away - like someplace in Botswana. I withdraw. The lips are moving, the eyes may be on you, but the brain is someplace far, far away. Its all robotic at that point, simple replies that require the minimal amount of brain activity to keep myself from being completely rude. The rest of me just thinks about how nice it would be if all I had was a cup of coffee and some peace and fucking quiet.
Finally, it was done - or so I thought. He ordered his mocha frapacino, and moved on. I got my coffee. I was happy.
But guess what. He wasn't done. As I moved over to put the prerequisite cream and sweetener in my coffee, I heard his voice, like a thousand needles in my mind, once again.
"You're probably the only person I know who orders coffee at a Starbucks. You probably paid as much for that as I did for my frapacino."
Great. Guess what kid - I don't fucking care. You think I like drinking this much coffee? You think I like the fact that I have to drink five cups of this shit just to stay awake? Guess what - after the fourth cup - it all starts to taste like shit. The cream and sugar just make it so I don't rip my tongue out after I swallow this swill. I just need the fucking caffeine, so fuck off.
And lets get this straight - you don't fucking know me. If you knew me, you'd shut the fuck up. If you knew me, you'd know that your banality is driving me crazy, and that all I'm thinking about as I pour my sugar into my coffee is plunging my pen in your eye.
"That's nice." That's the reply I could manage, before I staggered away from his stupidity.
Moral of the story: leave me alone when I'm getting my fucking coffee.
Gah.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004