Don't get me wrong. I like Michigan. I've missed the snow, the cold weather. All you poor pathetic bastards in California, and Flordia, and Arizona, and a good chunk of the rest of the Union: you're all wrong. I know its presumptuous to say that, but its true. Having no seasons to speak of, having warm weather year round, is horrible. Flat out horrible. I'm not saying that we don't get tired of cold weather and all, but the warm weather all the time is like having to eat the Kraft "mac & cheese" all your life. I like "mac & cheese", its fun, its got a lot of butter and calories, but you know what? Sometimes I like to know I'm alive, rather than just merely squishing on through.
That aside, this is turning out to be a miserable "vacation". First day back and I'm have to go shopping with my mother. I can't make that sound horrible enough. Let me retry.
First day back, and I'm dragged around from mall to mall with my mother, who, with intentions that are pure as the driven snow, forces me onto a very wide road leading straight to commercial and retail hell. Satan hath no greater highway than the one that leads through the Gap, and putting me on it for 5 minutes is enough for me to want to end the pain. Permanently. With a rusty spoon in my eye.
Five hours later, and I had enough. I had bought nothing. I had found nothing. But my mom was convinced that if we tried one more mall (note, not "store", mall, as in completely different shopping venue with the same fucking stores) I'd find some Christmas preseants. It didn't happen. And now she's convinced that I'm not going to be able to buy anyone anything and that the holiday is in danger of being ruined. At least, I'm pretty sure thats whats running through the back of her convoluted mind. Worrying is genetic. I got half the gene - it scares me what the full effect is like.
Day number two? Its simple. Spend all morning helping your brother with charity work, spend the evening sitting on your ass waiting for your brother-in-law to show up so you can go out, and find out that the only entertainment you get tonight is your mom and step-dad arguing over moving plans and the queer-eye Christmas special.
Its not that having my brother-in-law go out with drinks with some other slob really pisses me off that much. Its just that well, I can do this sort of thing fucking fantastic in my apartment back in Baton Rouge, and I don't really have to try. I just sit there and do nothing - and bam - its just the same. I sit there and do nothing. At least there when I get really bored I have porn.
I really gotta stop showing up. I mean, hey, great, I love the weather and all, but all that tells me is that I'm going to be living in Louisiana for another year and a half and then that particular region of the U.S. of A. can kiss my white ass good-bye. Minnesota's calling, and I think I'm going to aim for there. Its a good region.
And my home vacations are going to have to be limited to more around a week. Its been three days. I can take four more. The next three weeks however are going to be a long slow tortuous hell.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004