Being caught up in the holidays with my family is like being caught up in a hurricane: you grab a tree, hope its stable, and hold on for the ride. Tonight wasn't too much of an exception, as it was the annual "Let's go to Christmas Eve service and pretend like we're a normal family and that we're all religious and shit".
It's an interesting time.
The situation is actually relatively simple. My sister is fairly religious and moral. She waited til she was married to have sex, she goes to church every Sunday, and she's not a huge fan of immorality. Nice girl, but not someone I'm going to tell my one-night stand stories to. My brother-in-law is caught in the middle: on the one hand, he used to be like us, and still wishes he was. On the other, he married my sister. So he's sort of a lost cause. My brother lies on the opposite extreme. He's a manwhore. He's a drunk. He likes to hurt people. We were joking that he should stick his finger into the holy water, and see if it boiled. My mom didn't laugh, for some reason - neither did my sister.
My mom and stepdad are another case. My mom thinks religion is nice, but I don't think she gives it much thought anymore. She had her bought of religious fundamentalism back in the day when I was young with my dad, and I think she got over the James Dobson and Jerry Falwell version of Christianity. That being said, drugs, sex, rock and roll, and all that kinda stuff is right out the window. My stepdad, as is the case with much of his life, is just along for the ride.
And then - there is me. I used to have faith. I lost it. Its strange to say that, as if it was just something that I woke up one day and said, "You know, I'm not going to go for this whole god thing anymore."
But when you find yourself standing in a church, dressed up of course (cus we aren't one of those white trash in their best Datona Beach t-shirts at a Christmas Eve service), with your heathen scum of a brother on your left, with your holy mom and sister belting out Christmas hymns on the right, you begin to wonder what happened. When life decided to up and get itself dysfunctional. I wonder what God would think of such a situation, two pagans belting out hymns one day a year next to two believers belting out hymns, and all four of them in some sort of quasi-communion.
We exist in a strange state of equilibrium like this every year. If we all pretend we're good, and nice, and relatively religious, than things are smoothed over. My brother's indiscretions are forgotten. My constant swearing and "liberal ideology" is swept under the rug. My sister's insane compulsions and ulcerish behavior isn't mentioned. My mom's fundamentalist past and domaneering present are sorta just glossed over. My stepdad's moroseness is ignored.
Its a Happy Christmas, goddamnit, the happiest since Bing Crosby fucking tapdanced with Danny Kaye.
Miss Any?
Alright, we're gonna give this a shot
January 02, 2005
Let's see how badly I failed these last year
December 31, 2004
Okay, so its trendy
December 28, 2004
Its just like that asshole, Joe fucking Lieberman. Annoying and rather pointless.
December 27, 2004
Is this a typical Christmas?
December 26, 2004